finally have time for an update

i know, i know, i haven't written for a while. please forgive my lack of dedication to a stupid blog when i had other more pressing matters at hand to attend to. you see, lately i have had to deal with some problems with my bf, some problems with my friends, some problems with my parents, some problems with myself, and some problems with my depression/suicidalness. so, as you can see, i was pressed with other things.

well, i have gone to my shrink several times now- everything went pretty well. until she decided we made enough progress to go for 2 wks without an appt. bad, bad, bad idea. all we had really talked about was my communication with my mom, which is so not the main problem here. basically i broke. literally, broke- i cut, got anorexic (majorly) and bulemic, v. depressed, and to the point of suicidal. Lets just put it this way- i was on aim chatting with stew, and it got to the point where i stormed off and he was getting ready to come over to my house to try and stop me, bc the phone was busy. yeah, not good, not good at all. in any case, i am over that, a little. still pretty depressed and all. the thing with my shrink is that i talked to her alone for the first time- was a bit awkward. oh well, im sure it will be happening a lot more now. lol (or not)

i love/hate stew. stupid cd- still listening to it. thanx a lot stew (meant both ways)!!!

anyway, i cant get into much detail now, just having a hard time dealing with... everything i guess. which isn't really that good. im sorta having to succumb to some of the smaller stuff (cutting, anorexia, the occasional bulemia) to survive the harder stuff (suicide, or coming really close) plus i dont want to have to convert back to and smoking and drinking and stuff like i did before, just to keep my spirits up. even though my health was down. isn't life ironic today.omg, this is getting me so depressed, im going to go do ....april fools....
...no, really...