Stupid Shit...

Well... the deals I made with Carrie are off. Therefore I can (and have been) doing things... not naming what. However: neither of us can kill ourselves... or do crack, coke (damnit), heroin (damnit), ecstasy, acid, ... i think that's it. yay all other things! not... i really need to quit... it's just a hard habit to break... maybe it really was serious when people started saying i was starting to act like i was in 7th or 8th grade again... that's not good.

however... i did make a deal with stew that i wouldn't do anything for the next two weeks... looks like i'm going to be straight on my birthday... damnit. i was looking forward to having a little fun... guess not... i wonder if there's any way i can worm out of that.


i can cut again... i just haven't... don't know why... i think i'm saving it "for a rainy day..."

that and i've got prom and i have enough scars on my arm to make me think twice about adding any more any time soon.

i'm screwed over the summer, aren't i?

haven't been eating a lot. haven't purged in... months. be happy for that... still: i think the biggest amount of cals i consume in a day is somewhere in the vicinity of 275-725... something like that.

I almost was able to get some of what are classified as "anorectic" drugs from a friend this weekend. I didn't. Also, that's why i put 'damnit's next to coke and heroin, cuz i've used those to help me lose weight. I could have gotten some Tepanil and either ionamin or adipex. i know it's bad, and i don't need to lose any more weight, esp considering i'm like 101 right now or something... but... i need to... *sigh* sux.

so... obv... i'm not doing good. i would be depressed if it weren't for the antidepressants... as it is i am just really... easily irritable and hyper... if i keep on them i'll get back to my "normal" self in a couple of days though... and i'm fucked for the next two weeks, as opposed to easing down or something... shit...

i really need to quit, don't i? damnit...

Personality Disorder Test Results

The following are the areas of concern detected by the screening:

• You show strong signs of substance abuse.
• You show strong signs of substance dependence.
• You have suffered from what appears to be a brief psychotic episode.
• You appear to have experienced at least one major depressive episode.
• Your symptoms point to Ultra-Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder.
• You show signs of suffering from a Simple Phobia.
• Your symptoms point to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
• You show strong signs of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
• You show signs of Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
• You appear to suffer from panic disorder with agoraphobia.
• You appear to be suffering from Anorexia.
• You appear to be suffering from Bulimia.
• Your responses strongly indicate that you suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.
• Your responses strongly indicate that you suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder

The test also detected symptoms of one or more disorders that did not meet all the criteria, but that may still merit treatment. The following are the areas of concern detected by the screening:

• You experience some symptoms of Panic Disorder.
• You appear to suffer from some symptoms of Dependent Personality disorder.

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I have pretty much everything... don't I? Except all those weird sex questions: Have you had an overwhelming urge to engage in sexual activity with minors? Have you had an overwhelming urge to have sexual contact with inanimate objects? ... I don't think so...