well, if you read dreamless-slumber, you'll know that i almost fainted a couple of times yesterday. it really sucks. i haven't been eating a lot. i know: i should be. i just can't help but feel that i am fat. i'm down around 103 lb. and... it feels good. it shouldn't. it really shouldn't. but it does. and it frustrates me to the bone. literally and figuratively. but it's like: everything else in my life is out of control: and this i can control: and get the results i want out of it: and yes, unfortunately, i do want them.
i haven't cut lately: thought i've wanted to... i just need some way to get things out. and to tell you the truth: it was better when i could balance cutting with burning with starving and purging with drugs. because then i would never really go out of whack and overboard with any one particular thing. i could do one, then the other, and alternate, and never really wear myself out. but now, all i've got is starving myself. and it really sucks, ... but yeah. that's the truth of the matter.
not much else is going on. still trying to figure out the bridge to "broken reflection" we'll see how that goes. maybe i can write some more and get some more outlets.
