Moving Forward

Again, another post inspired by David:...

Anyway: when David and I were talking on Fri night, he was trying to convince me to eat and stop all the stupid shit I am doing. I know I should: I just... haven't been. I don't want to deal with stopping.

With the drug stuff: all I have been doing lately are popping anti-depressants: that's really it. Mainly so I don't break down and do something stupid as hell, like... I dunno... kill myself? But I haven't been doing much else, cuz I don't want to be messed up while I'm working around little kids: how considerate of me.

However, eating is another story: mainly its something like, a piece of fruit or a muffin in the morning, a strawberry smoothie, a milkshake, fruit, or asian food (low-fat), for lunch, then at home, more asian food, or cereal. and that's it. Oh yeah: a shitload of tea and coffee. But yeah. I think I'm down around 100 lb right now... it's been fluctuating a lot lately. I don't bother to check: it's depressing, in both ways. I ate yesterday though. Mainly because I had been sick Fri, and ate even less than I normally do, and I knew I needed the nutrients, but also bc David asked me to. I don't know.... maybe it has something to do with him being gone a long time... who knows.

I haven't cut, or burned, or done any other self-mutilation things anytime lately. So that's good.

Meanwhile, depression, bpd, r-c bipolar, and all my other shit are running rampant. J-freakin'-oy. J-freakin'-oy...

Nothing else is really going on. I am constantly busy to try and distract myself from... things. Mental, emotional... So not a TON has been happening. I guess just the norm... or at least: the norm for me.