better- or getting there

ok- well: i think i am actually getting better. when i went down to ms i wasn't thinking about my weight or cutting or anything. my cuts have healed btw: so obv they weren't that bad. i dunno: actually i think i am having a better view overall of my life right now. i'm more optimistic. not as negative. i don't think i am going to purposely put myself thru all this shit anymore: why should i? *sigh* yrs wasted. i'm not saying i am going to turn over a new leaf in one night. the progress will be gradual. but it will be progress. i could use it. also: i think i am not going to cling to things causing me pain or anguish anymore: no matter how much i am attached to it. and i'm not talking about being attached to the pain and anguish. more of ... memories of how things used to be on that subject. what i think i am going to do is try to rid myself of my painful memories and things that are causing me pain now... well: not so much as rid myself of the memories: but resolve those matters. and the things causing me pain now: either drop them or resolve them also. they are holding me down: holding me back. i can't move on unless i release them. this will be my resolution. my goal is to do all this by the new year: a time of new beginnings truly. we shall have to see how it goes.