ok... well. today was interesting... so was sunday for that matter... last sunday i mean. but yeah.last sunday my dad walked into the living room while i was watching tv. he held up two razor blades i was missing (yeah, i was cutting again: yes, i know it sux, yes i should stop: i know exactly what you're thinking. i will: but stuff has been bad lately: and yes, there is nothing productive gained by it. but yeah: i was an idiot... again.) and said "what are these?" as if it wasn't obvious. and i was like "razor blades", he said "what were you doing with them?" "cutting" said i, (lol: i am in a weird sense of humor right now: shut up), then he asked where, when, i told him, then he asked if he could see them, i was like hell no, he asked if i wanted to talk, i was like if i wanted to talk, i would have done that b4, so no, and could he go away the commercial was almost over. so yeah...
then, last night he made a humongous deal out of me going to bed, and i was like "why do you make a big deal out of me going to bed and not the cutting crap or the anorexia or bulimia or any or the other stuff, he was like, should i? omg... anyway... so yeah, since i wanted to and he didn't care or whatever... or it was less important than the fact that i should go to bed, i went ahead and cut again (yes, i know, stupid stupid stupid... i get the idea now, ok?) and then this morning he came into my room, and asked about cutting, asked when the last time i did it was, and i was like..."well i'm not sure if it was last night or this morning... somewhere in that time frame." and he asked why i didn't talk to him. so i was like "1, you can't relate, 2, since you can't relate, you can't help, and 3, since you can't help, it's pretty much a pointless waste of time."... yeah. i have been really blunt with my parents lately, simply bc of the fact i don't care anymore. about that in any case. i mean, i want to get better, don't get me wrong on that account. but i don't care about hiding stuff from them as much anymore. they can deal with it. plus i am nowhere near as bad as i was in the 8th grade... joy. but yeah. *sigh*
i wonder if the same thing is going to happen next sunday...?
3 comments:
i dont think that just because he cant relate, he cant help. it probably affects him alot more than you might think. it's hard to know what to say.
but you know i'm up for a chat if you think you're stressed out.
thx for the support. and... he tries to help by saying all the wrong things. it's weird. i know i can talk to you. i just... haven't been in a really talk-y mood.
anyway... talk to you laterz!
that's ok, i could kinda tell yuo weren't up to it. but at least i'm glad you know you can.
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